so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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