Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
