I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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