..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
