Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
