I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
