I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
