What did we do last night that was yellow?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
