my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
