I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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