There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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