You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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