i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
