The maid of honor just puked.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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