I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
