that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
