I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
