Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
