i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
