We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize