Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
