Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My cat gives me a boner
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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