im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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