just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
