my phone needs a breathalizer
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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