worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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