The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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