i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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