you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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