im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
