So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
