Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
