You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Is it because I queefed?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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