i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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