Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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