I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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