I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
