He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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