We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
