I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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