Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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