When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
