my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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