meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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