Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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