She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize