Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
