In the future we'll all be gay
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
