oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
