I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
