My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
