Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
