I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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