and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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