For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
