Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
