Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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