I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize