Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
