They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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