Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize