If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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