so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
