Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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