My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
