I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
