is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
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