I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
