HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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