His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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