get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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