So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
