Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
